OOTD: Transparency

Photography by Cassidy Hopkins

We all do embarrassing shit. We all do stuff we think others wouldn't approve of. We've all used our roommate's shampoo, kissed a friend's ex, or written a strongly-worded and not factually-sourced tweet about a current event we're not actually familiar with. When we realize what we've done or realize the likelihood of someone finding out, we're stricken with shame.

If you've made it far enough in life to be able to read this (and even if you haven't tbh), you are likely very intimate with shame. It's the feeling that accompanies not fitting into your environment and perceived failure. I say "perceived" failure because people often feel ashamed of life experiences that others wouldn't consider negative. You think there's something wrong with you, that you can't get anything right, and that others see you this way as well. You get that pit in your stomach and just want to disappear from sight.

A common response to shame is to vow to not reveal one's misstep to anyone. You've just done something wrong, something you may have even known was wrong. If our actions speak louder than words, doesn't doing something someone might consider wrong make you a little big wrong?

I've written about how talking about the not-so-perfect aspects of life on social media can contribute to an honest and positive social media environment. Now, I'm advocating that your honesty doesn't need to be blasted onto the internet for all the world to see for it to benefit the world. Being vulnerable and admitting your faults and missteps to a couple people will make you feel better.

I know, I know: One of the immediate symptoms of shame is to want to conceal your perceived shameful behavior from everyone. Hear me out. If you're experiencing shame without having your shameful behavior actually exposed to the world, you're feeling embarrassed in anticipation of what others might say. Just because you feel like you need to crawl into a hole doesn't mean that others think you should.

If you don't know how others are going to react — and you don't know unless they're actually reacting — there's often no point in trying to imagine. You can work with yourself to change how you perceive this failure. Telling others about your perceived failure can actually help you receive the validation and empathy you need in that situation. It can also lift the giant burden that accompanies keeping a shameful secret. Now, the experience gets to just be a human experience instead of a gross one.

To demonstrate the power of transparency when one is experiencing shame, I'm going to share a shameful secret of my own. I only shower once a week. Not wash my hair once a week, shower once a week. Everyone I know showers a couple times a week. Some people shower every day. I've met people who often shower twice a day. I know that once a week is not very often to shower, and I'm very ashamed of my showering habits. At the same time, this habit doesn't affect me negatively enough for me to divert any energy away from the more important things I'm working on to change it. I recently started telling people about this shameful habit of mine when it comes up in conversation. Instead of lying about why my hair looks nice and shiny on day 5, I answer honestly when someone asks: I haven't showered in 5 days. I don't even justify it with a lie about how often I use dry shampoo. I'm just honest.

And guess what: I'm still here, feeling better than ever! Most of the time, people move on pretty quickly, and I realize that this thing I've been feeling gross over for years isn't actually a big deal. Sometimes people even empathize, which makes me feel even better. Honestly, sometimes people express disgust. Maybe one day I'll shower more often, but it won't be because a couple people have told me my shower schedule doesn't match theirs.

So, you see, transparency can make your life better. Just like this transparent bodysuit has made my life better (I feel so sparkly and fun!). Except, unlike this item of clothing, honesty will never go out of style.

What do you do when you're experiencing shame? If you've tried honesty (either in certain situations or as a policy), how has it affected your life? Let me know in the comments below!

OOTD: In Praise of the Outfit Repeater

Photography by Cassidy Hopkins

Alright, let's be real: who among us has NOT re-worn their favorite outfit (or outfits)? After all, if you love something, why not indulge in it more than once? That's how I feel about these striped pants and white crop top.

Maybe it's just that "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" had a huge effect on my childhood, but I've long operated under the assumption that wearing an outfit (or even a special piece) more than once is ~against the rules~.

This moment shaped my approach toward fashion more than I care to admit.

For the most part, striving to not re-wear the same outfit pushes me to be creative with my wardrobe. I love mixing and matching everything I own to create something new every day. There are, however, a number of reasons to re-wear your favorite outfit.

Sometimes, you buy a piece that only goes with one other thing in your closet. As you might imagine, these pants are a bit tricky to match with. Not only is the pattern a little daunting, but the thin fabric makes it hard to tuck a shirt into them, a trick I rely heavily upon. This shirt is one of the only things I own that works well with these pants.

I also tend to outfit repeat when I know I'm going to be seen by different people each time I wear the outfit. I wore this outfit first to work, then on a weekend outing with friends, and finally on a casual date. Each time I wore the outfit, someone was seeing it for the first time. In their eyes, I wasn't really outfit repeating.

Finally (and this is the most important argument in my case for outfit repeating), you should re-wear an outfit if and whenever you damn well please. Do you like the outfit? Yes? Great, then wear it as often as you'd like. Clothing serves a number of functions: to express ourselves, to cover our naked bodies, to signal belonging to a specific social group, etc. The most important function clothing serves is to please ourselves. If you like it, wear it. If you really like it, keep wearing it.

Someone recently told me about a coworker of theirs who, in an experiment to test peoples' awareness, wore the same outfit every day for a week. By the end of the week, they were still receiving compliments from the rest of the office, even though theoretically they'd seen the dress every day for five days. People are generally too unobservant to care that you've worn the same outfit multiple times, or even multiple days in a row. Just wear whatever makes you feel your best.

OOTD: Wait For It

Tan cutout zip-up sandals - DIY high waisted light wash distressed denim from H&M - powder blue ruffle bell sleeve top - red bandana from Old Navy - silver and turquoise chandelier earrings from Forever 21 - DIY gemstone sunglasses

I can't tell you how excited I am about this outfit. Two of the items I'm wearing are actually brand new, and I've been wanting to buy them for what feels like forever. I recently mentioned that I've been looking for the perfect bell sleeve top for nearly a year, and I finally found it! Whenever I identify a specific trend I want to own, I go on Poshmark and save my favorite pieces to buy whenever I have the money. I've had this top on my saved items for a couple months and was waiting for them to restock in my size. They happened to restock toward the end of my fiscal quarter when I had a surplus in my shopping budget (I'm as surprised as you), so I pounced. I've also been looking for a cute bandana to wear this spring. I pass by the Old Navy window display every day on my way to and from work, and I've seen this exact bandana on the mannequins for weeks now. After continuing to pine after it, I decided to go in one day and buy it.

There are so many different approaches to shopping to create the perfect wardrobe. One of my biggest pieces of advice is to wait for the perfect piece when you're looking for something specific. I knew exactly what I wanted in a bell sleeve top and bandana, so I waited until I found just that. I found a couple similar items earlier on in my search that would have been more convenient to buy, but I'm so glad I decided to wait until I found exactly what I was looking for. I don't have any regrets and haven't found myself actively shopping for a better version of this piece, which I do when I buy something that I like but that I don't love.

This method isn't always necessary. These shoes, for instance, were a cheap pair of sandals that I bought when I needed a pair of sandals simply because it was a convenient purchase. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, so it didn't matter whether or not I waited to find just what I was looking for. In the case of this top and this bandana, though, I'm glad I waited.

OOTD: Spring Pastels for Cold Weather

Blush pink perspex booties - white wrap dress - pink lace-up H&M bodysuit - blue Forever 21 peacoat 

As I'm writing this, it's March 26th, and there's still snow on the ground. Granted, it's just a couple little patches in shady parts of the sidewalk, but still. It's been spring for a week and I'm ready for the weather to start reflecting that.

I've been waiting for warmer weather to be able to wear this dress as I don't think it would look good with tights. It's still tights weather, with the exception of the rare 65 F day every couple weeks, but I got fed up of waiting to wear something I've wanted to wear for months. I had to maneuver my wardrobe a little to be warm enough without having to wear tights. I initially felt a little weird about wearing this long-sleeve bodysuit under my dress, but after wearing a dress over jeans, I decided dresses should be worn with anything and everything. Since pastels are the official unofficial hues of spring, I decided to pair this baby blue coat with these blush booties. Plus, these colors were the Pantone colors of the year last year, so I already knew they go well together.

Moral of the story? You can totally wear spring colors even though the weather isn't quite spring-y yet. Just get creative with your layering game.

OOTD: Red Roses, Red Roses

Black suede Mossimo clogs - black rose-embroidered H&M jeans - black off-the-top Forever 21 top - black cropped H&M moto jacket - gold necklace - gold and crystal drop earrings

I've been looking for a basic pair of black jeans for, like, forever. Of course, I fell in love with these embroidered jeans and bought them instead of something basic. They were $30, which is more than I usually spend on a single item of clothing, but I really sat myself down and thought about how I could better spend that money. Would it be better for me to buy myself a pair of something I love with all my heart, or a couple pieces I like? I mean, it's rare that I find something for less than $15 that I really love. I already have most wardrobe basics, so at this point I'm really only adding stand-out pieces to my closet. I decided to commit to going with quality over quantity, and ended up buying the jeans (obviously). 

So far, they've totally been worth it– I've owned them just three weeks but have already worn them six times. I've also already spent all of my shopping budget for this quarter, so I have to wait until the end of March to buy any new clothing. Clearly, I need to fine-tune my shopping habits, but overall I'm glad with the new direction I'm heading in with my closet.

OOTD: Olive in the Garden

I've been looking for a pair of wooden-soled clogs for months now, and I finally found a pair at Goodwill selling for less than a third of their original price. Don't worry, I understand that they're super impractical, but all of my shoes are made for walking up and down the hills of Seattle, so I figured it was time to treat myself to a wild pair of heels. I bought this dress because it has a similar cut as the dress I wore to my sister's graduation. I love the way it hangs and it's super comfortable. I've worn it to work, on dates, and just lounging around the house.