OOTD: On Growth

*TW* Depression, anxiety, and other themes of mental health.

Last week, my therapist told me that the goal of life isn't to be perfect: it's to grow. This makes sense, and it isn't the first time I've heard it. No one can be perfect, and denying this makes making progress harder. It's hard to work when your goal is objectively unattainable. At the same time, though, this statement hit a little too hard. I've spent my whole life trying to be the best. What am I supposed to work towards if not perfection?

Dealing with depression and anxiety as an analytical person is interesting, because my emotion and reasonable mind are both regularly functioning on high and are often in conflict with each other. My emotion mind screams that I cannot possibly solve any given problem, and that there's no point in even trying because I was miserable before this problem arose and I'll likely be miserable even if I solve the problem. My reasonable mind overcompensates, telling me that I can solve every single issue I'm faced with, so long as I do everything right.

This is how I've tried to address everything in my life for as long as I can remember. Doing everything right, though, is exhausting. Sure, I'm taking good care of myself – I see my therapist weekly, my general practitioner regularly, I get in 30 minutes of exercise a day, I've cut back on sugars and added vegetables to my daily diet, I stretch every day, and I walk around with the most pertinent pages of my DBT handbook to deal with emergencies. But good is not perfection. I don't eat enough potassium, I could exercise more strenuously, I could eat plain oatmeal instead of adding brown sugar, I spend too much time in bed, and the other day, someone told me that I should go gluten-free if I wanted my depressive symptoms to ease up. In my mind, then, it doesn't matter that I'm doing better than I was a couple years ago: I'm not "cured" because I'm still not doing everything right.

And that's just to mention the things I know about that I could be doing better. Another key part of solving problems is being armed with knowledge. I am a firm believer that the more you know, the better you can do. I mean, I have a degree in psychology partially because I wanted to know everything about how to make myself "better" after being diagnosed with depression at age 15. Knowledge is a valuable power, but it's not the only power out there. 

After all, no one can know everything. Neither can you act on everything, as so much of what humanity knows is conflicting. So, striving toward knowing everything and behaving perfectly is inherently a doomed mission, certain only to create failure and self-doubt.

By no measure do I consider myself near perfection. I'm simply so obsessed with obtaining perfection in every aspect of my life that the growth I have made seems embarrassing when compared to my goal. I am so obsessed with obtaining perfection that, no matter what I do, I find myself trying to figure out how I could have done better, and how I'll do better next time. I am committed to growing and becoming a better person, more than I am committed to anything in life. Part of being a better person, I think, means being realistic and accepting of one's flaws and missteps. Plus, over-analyzing everything I do takes time away from actually living life. 

I'm not sure how to end this blog post because I'm still trying to figure out what I'm working towards if I'm not working to be the best. So, I'll end by saying that I've been waiting since the spring to wear this outfit with my denim jacket for the blog. It's the middle of October, but on the day my friend Sydney took photos of me, it was still too hot for a jacket. I'm going to post these pictures without thinking of how I should have worn this outfit another day or powered through and worn the jacket anyways. 

OOTD: Self-Expression Through Style

One of my favorite parts about my job is being a member of the INSIDER Spirit Squad. Every 2 weeks, my office dresses according to a particular theme. We take a group photo and give awards to those who best embodied the day's theme. The Spirit Squad takes the office's suggestions for themes and organizes when and what each theme day will be. I actually wore this jacket for our 2nd theme day – Millennial Pink Day (a theme which was chosen based on an article I wrote a while back).

A couple weeks ago, the Spirit Squad was talking about what it means to best embody a theme, and the concept of the definition of style came up. Kyle, another Spirit Squad member and the person behind the camera for the photos in this post, said that fashion is about trends, while style is about wearing things in new and unexpected ways. This definition places emphasis on how something is being worn as opposed to what is being worn. Josie said that one's sense of style depends on wearing what makes them feel best. Personal style, then, could prioritize fashion trends, comfort, making a statement, emanating a particular persona, etc.

I've always regarded style as a form of self-expression, while fashion refers to the industry which chooses and advertises trends each season. That's why I consider myself a "style blogger" instead of a "fashion blogger". My definition of style, then, is a mix between Kyle and Josie's definitions.

For me, self-expression entails a number of different things. First and foremost, dressing to express myself means dressing to show the world who I am. I'm creative, thoughtful, intelligent, and witty. My creativity shows in the unique pieces and combinations I wear. I'm thoughtful in how I put together my outfits, paying attention to detail and dressing appropriately for the weather and whatever environment I'm going to be in. I like to be smart about what I wear, keeping in mind where my clothes and favorite fashion trends come from. I often throw a little bit of whimsy into my outfits, like the dog socks I'm wearing under these boots.

Self-expression also means wearing things that say something about me. This jacket is an obvious example, as it displays my blog name in my own handwriting. You can't tell in these photos, but I'm also wearing a necklace with a scorpion on it, because I'm a Scorpio. Pink is my favorite color, so I wore an outfit composed almost entirely of it. 

While I don't prioritize following trends by any means, I do like being inspired by what's "in" in fashion, and choosing to wear trends that I like outside of their importance in fashion. This slip dress, for example, is a huge street style trend right now. When I saw shots of celebrities walking around in slip dresses, I remembered being in middle school and finding a silk slip (like, the kind you wear under a dress) in a box of hand-me-downs. I tried it on and modeled it for my mom, declaring that I wanted to wear this dress to my Bat Mitzvah. I genuinely don't remember if my mom was horrified or amused, but I can tell you I wore a real dress to synagogue for my Bat Mitzvah. So, learning that this was now an appropriate style to wear in public inspired me to purchase a slip dress for myself.

Comfort and aesthetics play a huge role in my sense of style. I love this shirt because I can wear it without a bra. Wearing a bra always makes me just a little more uncomfortable, whether due to the underwire or the straps. This dress kind of feels like wearing nothing, an ideal bodily sensation. I've been big on leather (well, faux leather) jackets since high school. I couldn't tell you what it is I like about them, but I find them aesthetically pleasing enough to have 2 of them. I've already mentioned that pink is my favorite color, so I've been figuring out how to wear pink since before millennial pink became a ~thing~. 

Finally, I'd be lying if I said my style was completely unique to me, uninspired by others. I've wanted a personalized jacket with my blog name on it since seeing Payton of Hustle + Halcyon and Dani of Mermaid Waves rock theirs. I had originally intended to embroider a denim jacket with Broke & Fabulous, but I have much more experience painting, and this jacket is just such a perfect representation of my blog.

How do you find and define your sense of style? Comment below to let me know!

OOTD: A Little Versatility

Photography by Cassidy Hopkins

Everyone needs a dress they can wear for every occasion. I especially find this true as someone with a limited budget and closet space. Most of what I own is versatile so that I get the most bang for my buck. It doesn't make sense for me to spend money on something I'll only be able to wear a couple days a year when I could use that same money on something I could wear whenever I want.

Although I can wear most of my closet for most occasions, this dress especially stands out as something I can wear whenever. I've worn it to graduation parties, on several dates, to work, and now to Coney Island. It's simultaneously appropriate enough for a professional environment and cute enough to wear just for fun.

The most important thing to look for when shopping to create a versatile closet is whether or not you like the piece. No matter how sophisticated or professional you think a piece is, if you don't like it, you won't wear it. Having items in your closet that you don't wear is just a waste of money and space, both of which are valuable commodities. I, for instance, was drawn to this dress because of the color and fabric. I'd been looking for a white lace dress for months, and this dress fit that description.

Once you've found something that you like, try it on and make sure it's appropriate for a work environment. My workplace has very lax dress code, but I still like to make sure I own some things that cover me for less casual professional occasions. The lace of this dress is an entirely separate layer from the solid piece underneath, so I can wear it with a different white slip that is longer and has a higher neck.

Comfort is really key in picking easy-to-wear pieces. No matter how cute or professional something is, if it's uncomfortable or painful in any way, you're less likely to pull it out of your closet in the morning. When you're trying something on, walk around and sit down to see if anything rides up or itches or anything. Those extra 2 minutes you spend in the dressing room could save you hours of earned money.

One thing to keep in mind as you shop is whether or not the pieces you're picking out go with each other. My closet has a strong black/white/pastel/olive green color scheme. This white dress fits perfectly into that color scheme, so I can wear it with a lot of other items that I already own. Because it's so easy to make an outfit with this piece, I'm more likely to wear it more often. Of course, there's always room for stand-out pieces, but your whole closet can't be made out of pieces that don't go together if you're on a budget.

How do you shop if you're on a budget with limited closet space? Comment below to let me know; I'm always looking for ways to maximize my wardrobe!

OOTD: The Wonder of Color

Photography by Cassidy Hopkins

Here's a (not-so-secret) confession: I'm not big on wearing colors. I used to totally rock bright colors in high school, but as I've gotten older my closet has turned to neutrals and pastels. It doesn't help that I've spent the last 4 years living in Seattle and New York, where wearing all-black is part of the lifestyle. Every now and then, though, I find a colorful piece that I just have to have. This dress is one of those pieces.

I bought this dress when I was going through my comfy body-con dress phase. I was drawn to the style more than the color, and told myself I'd wear this dress when I felt like standing out.

And, for a while, I did. Once I dyed my hair, though, wearing colors got that much harder. If I wanted to stand out, I'd go for a daring lipstick or a uniquely designed piece. After all, if a red dress is too much for me, pairing a red dress with my blue hair is definitely too much.

When Cassidy, Tomi and I decided to go to Coney Island last Saturday, Cassidy (the most experienced New Yorker of the bunch) said we should wear bright colors to match the colorful rides in the background. I found myself staring blankly at my clothing rack. This dress is the only colorful piece I own, and I've been waiting until my blue hair grows out to wear it. "I'll just wear white," I decided.

At the last minute, I threw this dress into my backpack on my way to meet Cassidy and Tomi. It's been years since I wore it in a blog post, and goodness knows I have to make the most out of my wardrobe when it comes to dressing for OOTD posts. I figured I'd throw my hair in a bun so the blue wouldn't clash with the red.

I really surprised myself when I looked in the mirror and liked seeing myself in all this color. Not only did I look great, but I still looked like myself. Usually when I try a trend I'm not naturally drawn towards, I don't feel authentic. One of the most important aspects of my sense of style is being true to myself and portraying myself the way I feel, not just the way others see me as a fashion blogger. I'm glad I tried something new, and I'm glad I truly committed to the look. Plus, these colors ended up matching the ferris island on Coney Island, which is pretty ideal.

Now that I'm back in the land of shades of gray (literally), I'm content to let this red dress hang untouched on my clothing rack. It's nice to know, though, that I can totally pull it off if and when I so choose.

OOTD: Grad Announcements

So, I know I already graduated... But I'm back for more. My college only has one commencement ceremony a year, so I'm headed back to Seattle in June to walk with the rest of my class. I already have my diploma and an internship, so I'm feeling pretty good for someone who doesn't walk the stage for another month.

Seeing as I'm not in Seattle, throwing together photos for my grad announcements took a little more effort. My cap and gown are waiting for me in Seattle, so I borrowed my friend Corina's for the weekend. I wouldn't be able to take pictures on campus, so I leaned into my status as a New York resident. You can see the Manhattan skyline from my roof (including the Empire State Building), so I took my pictures up there to highlight where I'm at right now.

Of COURSE Luxe got in on my graduation shoot! She accompanied me to all of my classes sophomore-junior year, so she's pretty much an honorary graduate.

ConGRADulations to all my fellow graduates from the class of 2017!

OOTD: Up and Down Manhattan

Welcome to my ideal Saturday: walking Luxe all over Manhattan (seriously, I walked 8.9 miles the day I took these pictures). Claire and I started off on 81st street and walked all the way down to 4th street over the course of several hours.

When you're walking around in 80+ degree heat, you have to be really strategic about what you wear. Usually, I don't wear black when it's hotter than 75F, but I made an exception for this loose-fitting dress. Pairing it with a light crop top really helped, especially since it left an opening for my torso to breathe.

If you'd met me a year ago, you'd be very confused by my shoe choice. I've owned one pair of tennis shoes in the last 7 years, and they've been too uncomfortable for me to wear for longer than a couple hours at a time. These shoes, though, aren't like that. Sure, they're a little uncomfortable, but I'm chalking it up to them still needing to be broken in. Either way, one of my roommates gave me these shoes, and I'm always willing to try anything that comes to me for free.